Even with the most beloved and attentive partner, you can experience stiffness in sex. How to overcome it, relax and enjoy it to the maximum?
Timidity is not equal to asceticism: a person has desires and dreams. But it is almost impossible to force yourself to express them out loud! Like a heavy lock hangs inside. Such constriction “in the most interesting place” is experienced equally by both men and women. And those who let go of bold cynical remarks in the company can hide complexes in bed.
Perhaps the point here is the lack of parental love – and since then we have been shrinking: what if you trust – and they will treat you coldly? Or the attitude instilled in childhood towards the bodily as “dirty”? Or maybe the first partner was too assertive and scared? Plus self-doubt, ignorance of oneself. But all this can be fixed.
If both partners are shy
Yes, love melts the snow, but it does not do it by itself. In addition to the desire of the “sleeper” himself to be “awakened”, he needs a competent partner – experienced, but neat, careful, and gentle. But what if both lovers are at approximately the same stage of psychosexual development (that is, simply relaxed) – somewhere at the level of sighs under the moon? Perhaps nature will do everything for them, and a complete merger will happen as if by itself. But “double timidity” can lead to the fact that awkward attempts at “what I don’t know what” only torment each other.
If both want to bring joy to each other, but the complexes acquired as a result of too harsh upbringing, negative experience or violence prevent the couple from going to a family sexologist. But more often than not, our fears do not have such powerful roots. And they can be neutralized with patience and kindness.
Indulge yourself in pleasure
No special “pills for courage” will be required. The main thing is not to train in some special bed “tricks”, but rather:
- allow yourself to feel pleasure without expecting “punishment” for it. Joy is normal. There is nothing “perverted” about what happens between two people dear to each other
- believe your partner, discarding all your “what if he will be disappointed?”, “But won’t I look stupid?”. Doubt? Talk! If you “do not turn your tongue” to say something, believe me: if you gather your courage and start, then everything will certainly go easier
- to relax. A bed is not an exam or an aptitude interview. The less a person tries to impress, the more pleasant he makes!
Delight for two
The main rule is to test everything together, to approach each other from two sides. The rest flows out of it.
- Do not be shy to fantasize, “do not turn off” your subconscious. What does he want? Often we continue to focus on imposed myths and standards: mutual masturbation is wrong, the “doggy-style” position looks unaesthetic. The first dispels the study of theory, the second – is practice
- Be frank with your soul mate on a variety of occasions. We are sometimes afraid to trust another with our fears or doubts, and then it turns out that the same thing happens to other people. The higher the degree of sincerity in a couple, the freer the intimacy.
- Practice expressing your thoughts and feelings. We often wait for our loved ones to guess all our secret thoughts themselves, and we even take offense at their “insensitivity”. But they are not psychics!
- Arrange mutual auto-training for each other. Confirmations that “I feel so good with you” or “you are the most beautiful” is not superfluous.
The benefits of shyness in sex
Incidentally, no one has argued that timidity is a defect that must be eliminated by any means. She also has her merits.
- Youthful stiffness is absolutely normal and even, one might say, obligatory. And temporary. Being timid when something happens for the first time is a natural feature. It is much more unnatural if a young being tries to portray “burnt out” and “omniscience.
- Modesty can add charm. It’s only in Hollywood movies that predatory ladies and torn-off machos turn everyone’s heads. In everyday life, this makes you feel uncomfortable. And when a person becomes shy, you understand: firstly, he is alive, and secondly, your attitude is important to him.
- In the first stage of the relationship, modesty helps to maintain the necessary initial distance, not to “break into the embrasure” without having time to understand who you are dealing with and whether you have any feelings for the person.
