Have you ever wondered what it’s like to marry a foreigner and live somewhere far from home? Or maybe you are just hatching such plans?
Or do you see more and more women around you, hunting foreign princes? I see. It seems to me that recently a good half of unmarried girls, and even more so of divorced women, are literally obsessed with the idea of finding a groom abroad and arranging their fate away from their homeland. And by the way, a lot of people do it!
Why Are We Looking For Foreign Suitors?
What drives us when we turn to marriage agencies, go to dating sites and interest forums? At first glance, the answer is obvious – the desire to finally shed the burden of material and everyday problems, give a decent life to yourself and your children, not to think about money and what to live on tomorrow. But there are other motives as well. Young girls believe that our men are spoiled by female attention, they do not take care of themselves, for the most part, they look bad. And I want beautiful and well-groomed, like in the movies …
Older women are attracted to reliability and responsibility. And, by the way, they often find these qualities in oriental men. “Muslims treat a woman like a queen, they are like behind a stone wall. They have a core, a masculine principle, they want to have children and are ready to take care of them, ”I have heard this opinion about the inhabitants of the East more than once. And recently I heard from a compatriot who lived in Turkey for several years the following verdict: “Turks are the best husbands in the world. All the women I know think so. Even my wife, who ended up staying with the Turk.” And this argument just knocked me off my feet!
And here is how psychologist Elena Shpundra explains our search for happiness abroad:
It is very difficult for our women after 30-35 years to find an adequate partner. Men understand at the “puppies” stage, and if they get divorced, then after that they either don’t add up their price, or they have colossal resentments against all women, or they have so many problems that not a single sane woman needs them. Therefore, there is a need to pay attention to foreigners.
Why Are Foreign suitors Looking For Us?
With the motives of foreigners who are looking for acquaintances with our women, everything is just easier. Youthful, beautiful, feminine, economic, well-groomed, caring – it is difficult for Europeans and Muslim women to compete with our ladies, who are “both a reaper, a Swiss, and a gambler on the pipe.” But the main thing that all applicants for Slavic wives, without exception, note: we are less demanding, less feminized, less obsessed with our social realization, and as a result … less expensive to maintain. Dubious merit from my point of view, but nevertheless it is so.
And this is perhaps the main question. Whatever you say, but moving to another country, transplanting to a new soil is always stressful, always a challenge. And the reasons for breaking away, leaving relatives and friends, starting to speak a foreign language, often abandoning a profession, accepting a different culture and mentality, should be weighty. According to my observations, the number of successful marriages “for export” and unsuccessful ones is approximately equal. As, however, here we have. But the gap between expectations and reality is much deeper.
One of my acquaintances, an Italian husband, after the wedding, said that he did not want children – it was too expensive. Another friend went to an American farmer. But here’s the trouble – living far from the city is boring and tiring for her. A laborer from Uzhgorod married her Portuguese master, leaving her family and children, but as it turned out, for him it was just a way not to pay her for services. The sister of my colleague became the wife of a quite civilized, progressive-minded Egyptian, but after a few years of marriage, he forced her to wear a hijab … Every now and then we hear that the Germans are too tight-fisted, the Italians are frivolous, the French are soft-bodied, and the Georgians love to relax much more, than to work…
However, disappointments all too often happen with us – you will probably object. Yes, but here, after a scandal with your husband, you can let off steam with your girlfriends, complain to your mother, or, say, get drunk with an old friend. There you will most likely be all alone. And in the event of a divorce, you can be left with nothing at all – without connections, without knowledge of the laws, without the support of loved ones, it will be oh so difficult to cope with their bureaucracy …
And you know what else I noticed? The fact that a foreign husband did not live up to expectations and the marriage broke up, most often becomes known after the fact. The desire to slightly embellish reality and not advertise their failures is a common feature of all emigrants. But there are pleasant exceptions! My former colleague Larisa married a Frenchman almost a year ago and moved to the south of France with her two daughters. She maintains her blog and frankly talks about her new status and all the ups and downs of life in France. And here’s what she thinks about…
… what To Expect From Marriage With A Foreigner
The world is getting wider. We are torn from our geography to a wide expanse. Including – and adventure, romantic relationships, and marriage. We like the idea of an established and wealthy prince from abroad, who responsibly approaches the choice of a life partner.
In general, this is how it is: it is really easier for a person who works and has a family in the “older” countries of Europe to live than in our country. Loans are more affordable, fuel is cheaper, roads are better, education is for every taste, all professions are paid. But what is expected of a spouse? To fit into the system of the country where the chosen one is from.
And here the rigidity of reality is sometimes able to shake off any romantic veil. Getting a job, bureaucracy, the medical care system – at some point, the new wife will have to leave love for everyday life. And this is the biggest pitfall! After all, life does not want to fit into the former framework, and a foreign spouse simply will not be able to fully engage in these experiences and provide the expected help – everything is in order with him.
Therefore, our girls should evaluate ten times their moral stability and readiness for flexibility in marriage with a foreign fiance. After all, sooner or later the circumstances of a new life will prevail – and if you are ready for this, then the fairy tale may well come true!
Weigh Everything!
It seems that in the case of Larisa, the fairy tale really turned out to be a reality. Because the keyword in this whole story is “love”. Which allows you to survive a difficult period of adaptation, separation from relatives, and a language barrier. And if the keyword is “foreigner”, then options are possible …
I am absolutely sure that the game is definitely worth the candle if you are in love. When you are simply lonely and do not see the prospects for relations in our country, then ask yourself – are you ready to see, kiss, raise children every day with an unloved, but reliable (although that is still a question!) Husband? And if you clearly decided to get married by calculation (in this, by the way, there is nothing seditious either, and after same-sex marriages, such marriages are considered the strongest), then make sure that the calculation is correct. After all, there are plenty of bankrupts and rogues who throw dust in the eyes of naive girls.
Psychologist Elena Shpundra also advises us to be on the lookout:
The lack of spoilage of our women played a cruel joke on them, and under the guise of suitors, either sex tourists or men of a very low rank often come here. Therefore, dear women, do not hesitate to demand. And also find out, ask, check a potential gentleman. A man with serious intentions will react to this normally because he will also check and look closely at you. And a frivolous or even a fraudster will go looking for easy prey and save your nerves.
I’ll add on my own: for me personally, the question of marrying a foreigner or not has never been raised. It so happened. Moreover, earlier I had a negative attitude towards the very idea of emigration. Now I’m not so categorical anymore. But I always remember in this connection the saying of the writer Neil Gaiman:
People think that they will be happy if they move to another place, and then it turns out: wherever you move, you take yourself with you.
And that’s just about me. So I try to be happy in my country. Sometimes it’s difficult. But here I am at home. And my love is here too…
What do you think about marriage with a foreigner? Tell us your story, and perhaps we will share it on the pages of Lisa magazine. Write in the comments, as well as to the address
with the note “Female look”. Your feedback is very important to us!
