Even in the 21st century, there are women who undergo hymenoplasty (an operation to restore the hymen) so that their future husbands do not find out that the bride has already had sex.
The concept of virginity in the case of girls has a deeply archaic meaning. Virginity was associated with the purity of the girl, her naivety and inexperience. Of course, this term was used exclusively in the context of hetero sex with the obligatory participation of a member. But today the world has changed, and in most civilized countries the concept of the norm has expanded. We argue why today this word is meaningless and it would be more correct to completely abandon it.
Even before I went and read what smart people wrote before me on this topic, I asked the editors a question: “What is virginity?” The girls have already become accustomed to strange questions from the sex editor, and their answers are predictably divided into two types: “This is the presence of a hymen” and “This is the absence of sexual experience.”
Pure biology
Let’s see what’s wrong with the first statement. The hymen, or hymen, is a biological membrane that surrounds and partially covers the external entrance to the vagina. This is just a small fold of connective tissue, it does not even have a special physiological function. Sometimes (mark this word) during the first intercourse with a penis, the hymen may tear or stretch, but this is not always the case.
First, when we define virginity as having a hymen, we are arguing that this concept is unique to girls. Does this mean that there are no virgins among guys?
Secondly, many girls are born without a hymen. As I already noted, it does not carry any biological functions, so the loss is small. The hymen can be flexible or rigid, either very thin or quite thick and strong .It is quite simple to damage it : masturbation, gynecological examination, a tampon or a bowl, in some cases the hymen can stretch after riding or gymnastics. Does this mean that girls who use tampons or cups automatically lose their virginity? Hardly.
What? Where? When?
Let’s talk about a broader approach in which virginity is seen as “lack of sexual experience.” Wikipedia tells us the following: “Traditionally, virgins are girls who have not practiced sexual intercourse with penetration.”
But in today’s world, sexual contact does not necessarily mean that the penis penetrates the vagina. If we assume that virginity is the absence of penetrative sex, then how to evaluate oral sex or mutual masturbation? What is this, under-sex?
Are those who practice non-penetrative sex all their lives also virgins?
If we assume that any sexual experience with a partner leads to the deprivation of virginity, does this mean that petting in clothes is already “goodbye innocence”? And if petting without clothes? Where, in the end, is the line that turns an intimate experience into sex? When the covers are “torn off” and the girl turns into a woman?
Defining virginity solely as heterosexual penetrative intercourse is too narrow for our times. Is virginity a purely physiological state, or is it, as they say, a state of mind?
Harmful myth
In a historical context, virginity has always been a way of manipulating a woman, her body and her sexuality: she was sold and bought, the “price” of an untouched bride was higher than one who had already had sexual experience. A woman who was in bed with a man who was not her husband was considered dirty. In many traditional societies, she was ostracized: she lost the opportunity to start a family, have children, and sometimes a woman was completely expelled from society.
In ancient Rome, the vestals were required to remain celibate until the end of the service. If it was found that a girl had lost her virginity, she was buried alive, planted in a tightly closed hole in the ground and covered with it.
“We are not in Ancient Rome,” you will notice (and this is cool, I will add). But in Indonesia, girls who join the police are still being tested for virginity. I’m not talking about the restrictions that bind women from Arab countries.
The idea of virginity is exclusively beneficial to a patriarchal society as another way to limit female sexuality. Until now, there is a myth in modern culture that the loss of virginity changes the personality of a woman.
Maybe your first sex will be remembered for a lifetime – in a joyful way or not. This is normal, and you have the right to regard this experience as you see fit. But if your first sex was awkward, funny, or you barely remember it, that’s okay too, because no one has the right to dictate to you how to evaluate your intimate life. Remember: your body belongs only to you.
