Meeting a real man is not easy. But raising him yourself is quite possible. The main thing is to learn to strike a balance between tenderness towards the child and firmness, which is necessary for developing character. Ideally, the father should take care of the upbringing of the son. But what if there is no example of male behavior in the form of a dad before the eyes of a little fidget? And is it possible in our time to find men at all who can serve as an example for a boy? Let’s see what mistakes mothers often make in raising their sons.
1. Overprotectiveness
A mother is strongly attached to her child. Especially if she is lonely and she simply does not have another object of love. Often a parent completely devotes her life to her son, completely forgetting about herself. And even takes pride in it. In fact, such behavior is very dangerous for the personality of the future man. Preventing a new person from finding himself, making decisions for him, doing hard work, and protecting him from any difficulties, you risk raising your son weak-willed and insecure. He will consider himself weak and fragile or believe that everyone around him owes something to him.
What to do?
Nobody forbids you to be affectionate and caring, but do not let feelings interfere with your son’s independence. Accept the child as he is, respects his character. Do not try to save the tomboy from everything in the world: in a difficult situation, explain how to behave. Let him learn to swim, skate, hold a knife correctly, etc.
2. Trying to replace the father
Some mothers who raise their son alone strive to become both parents for him, in one person. Do not deprive your child of female, maternal love. You will never become a man, and attempts to imitate the representatives of the stronger sex will look strange and unnatural. Moreover, this way you can form the wrong idea about women in your baby.
At the other extreme, no matter what it takes, try to find a man who would be a good example. Of course, the presence of a father is very important, but do not overestimate his role in raising a boy. And the “first available” man can generally have a negative impact on the child.
What to do?
The absence of a worthy male example does not mean that the boy will not be able to grow up as a real man. Just let the courage be shown. Ask for help when you need it. Praise him for his desire to take care of those who are weaker. Teach useful household skills – let him clean the table and take out the trash. Instill in your son from childhood the confidence that he is needed, that he can do wonderful and useful things. Let the boy help not only you but also other women. Tell him to give up his seat on the bus or carry a heavy bag home.
How does a son learn about what a real man should be like without a father? For example, from books and movies. Read to him about epic heroes, tell him about the noble deeds of historical figures, watch films whose characters are able to show a good example of masculinity.
3. Severity and control
It’s perfectly normal if a little boy wants to play pranks. So he takes a step towards self-assertion and can feel his independence. Do not scold the child for the slightest offense and seeks to overly control him. In no case should you a priori consider the baby guilty, do not trust his words, and ignore his view of the incident. So the boy will quickly lose both self-confidence and trust in others. Strict upbringing often leaves an imprint on the character already in adulthood. If you constantly scold and punish your son, in the future he will feel that he is doing everything wrong, seek the approval of people around him.
What to do?
Let your son make mistakes and learn to take responsibility for them. Don’t dwell on the “bad” behavior, but calmly explain what such actions lead to. Praise him for his successes, show approval and admiration for the “correct” behavior. This will make the child believe in himself.
