Most fairy tales feature a character called the Wicked Stepmother. The Evil Stepmother offends, humiliates, and spoils everything, forbids fun, and in every possible way tries to take away the father from the child.
Such a familiar stereotype cannot be unfamiliar. We see him in movies, read in books and fairy tales, and literally absorb with folklore the idea that a stepmother is necessarily a bad one. She will certainly break the glass slipper, she will certainly force the unfortunate stepdaughter to sort out the beans, while she herself will drive off to the ball with her own daughters, or even put her out in the cold.
But what to do if you are not in a fairy tale, but in reality, you have every chance to turn into an evil stepmother, and how to prevent this? Let’s talk in our new article.
The beginning of the story
You lived in the thirtieth kingdom. She lived and lived, made good money, and then she met a man “with a trailer”: it turned out that the handsome prince has a wife from his first marriage and a child, and in the worst case, several children of different ages. What to do next?
What you need to prepare for if he already has children
What to do if you start a relationship with a man who has already successfully built a family nest before you and even had children? The main thing is to realize that this will certainly affect your relationships and even your relationships with others, whether you like it or not. If you are not ready to leave the calm harbor, you should not even try to make friends with his children, but leave them all, along with the unfortunate dad, far behind.
The problem is in it
Take a closer look at how he treats children from his first marriage and his obligations to them. If he is an exemplary Sunday dad, tries to spend time, help children, and does not cross them out of his life, then the person in front of you is obligatory and responsible, responsible for his actions.
But if a handsome prince for your sake easily throws out children from a previous marriage from his life, you should seriously think about whether you need such a “miracle” in the house, which can do the same to you and your common children.
Things are worse if you saw that a man took the children from a completely normal mother just to annoy the former. Firstly, this scandal will capture you as well (“Razluchnitsa, took away her husband, and now she also decided to steal her children!”). And secondly, if your missus treats his ex-wife this way, then expect exactly the same attitude from him when your amour is over.
Default Angry Stepmother Status
Get ready for the fact that those around you will hang all the goats exclusively on you, having hung the “Evil Stepmother” tag in addition automatically. Everyone: from the parents of the man and his children to the neighbors, will carefully accuse you of all mortal sins, and at the slightest manifestation of their own character, they will definitely accuse you of bitchiness and the desire to survive the unfortunate baby from home. Even if this kid “accidentally” threw your work laptop out the window.
- he mother reprimands the child for eating all the buns and not leaving them to anyone at home. Mom is right: she makes sure that the child is healthy and that everyone at home gets goodies.
- The stepmother reprimands the child for the same offense: the atrocious lady reproaches the unfortunate child with a piece of bread, he won’t get drunk in any way, and this problem is not a problem at all, but she inflated it to the scale of a natural disaster.
You will constantly have to prove to everyone around you that you are not a villain, that you want the best, and that you also have the right to quiet family life without tantrums, tricks, and riots.
Moreover: it literally becomes impossible to take sanctions against someone else’s child, since you can be accused of cruelty. It may not be possible to reprimand, punish, or talk since the child is not yours.
The child is against you
Yes, it also happens that a child is initially opposed to his stepmother: his mother, relatives, or the stereotype that a stepmother is a necessary evil and despotic woman who could make a hand. Why is it necessary to set the children against the “new mother”? This is due to simple jealousy and resentment: they can see in you the destroyer of the family nest, and try to eliminate it by any means.
The path to the heart of such a child can be thorny: your sincere desire to become close people alone may not be enough. Or the patience will run out sooner.
The child is jealous
It is worth preparing for the fact that the child can simply be jealous of his father and, out of childish jealousy, try to somehow harm you. It’s just worth understanding here: before all the dad’s attention was on the child and his mother, everyone was happy, and then you appear and it’s not clear why you take a piece of attention to yourself. Of course, the baby will be jealous and offended.
The same thing usually happens in families where a widowed father is raising a child alone. When another woman appears, his attention and care are divided in two and the child may realize that he does not want to share his dad. Especially with some strange aunt.
First wife on the horizon
Yes, you will have to accept the past of a man and put up with the fact that he had a past and from this past, there are consequences that directly affect your life. It’s a shame, it’s annoying, but there’s nothing you can do about it. Or can you do it? You can always leave and find another man, without children. There are a lot of them in the world.
But if you want to stay, the main thing here is to clearly set the boundaries. You are getting married and in a relationship with a man, not with his ex-wife, and her worries and rage should not concern you.
How not to become an evil stepmother
Not becoming an evil stepmother is a complex and complex process, and sometimes it is even impossible because you cannot be forced to be nice. But “patience and work will grind everything,” so be patient and willing to figure it out.
Here are some rules:
- Find “friends in misfortune”: they will understand you best and give more useful advice.
- Do not offend the mother of the child: for the child, the mother will still be the best, love for the mother is unquestioning.
- Do not impose yourself and behave without fanaticism.
- Be calm: the child may try to kick and provoke, do not fall for them.
- Do not set ultimatums: you do not need to put a man in front of a choice that she herself would not want to face.
- Temperance: Be moderately kind and moderately strict, act fairly, not impulsively.
- Personal space is inviolable: you, your husband and your child should always have personal space. The child should feel that in your house he has his own space and things, toys.
- Be together: organize joint walks, entertainment and activities. The child must understand that he did not lose the attention and care of his father, but received them also from your side.
- Do not buy a child: do not shower him with gifts and all sorts of goodies – this will not lead to anything good.
- Do not try to replace your mother, outshine her and become a better person. In most cases, this will not work, since a mother for a child is the closest and dearest person.
- Don’t call them your kids unless they start calling you mom. So you will only spoil everything and the children will think that you are trying to replace their own mother.
- Don’t let me do whatever. Sometimes stepmothers disengage from someone else’s child, thinking that they cannot forbid him to do something, and then it may not end very well. Try to become an authority and role model for children, and then they themselves will go to you for advice.
And, of course, try to be really, really nice to the child from your first marriage. Sincerity and kindness never hurt.
