Classical dominants, like Christian Gray from 50 Shades of Grey, I have never met in my life. On dating sites, sometimes there were characters who said “I am a Dominant, I am looking for a female submissive”, followed by a list of what and how he was going to do and what he wanted from a woman, but, frankly, I never had the desire to check in practice, is the author of fantasies really so frighteningly omnipotent.
Perhaps, from the fact that in the photo, such “bold” males looked rather unsightly. And, perhaps, because I am sincerely sure that the desire to associate sex only with humiliation, pain and violence comes from huge inferiority and infringement in the field of feelings. And with this inferiority, it is more likely to go to a psychologist than to a BDSM club.
“Healthy” dominance is inherent in a man by nature
All the rest, normal, men like to dominate in sex, but in such a more natural way – to be active, assertive, set the rhythm and pace, choose poses – in general, control the process. Sometimes they may want sex harder – try the same handcuffs, spanking, anal sex, but, firstly, this is discussed with a partner, and secondly, they can do it differently – gently, slowly, passionately. It seems to me that what distinguishes “healthy” sexual relationships from “unhealthy” ones is the ability of partners to enjoy different ways and different sex – not only hard and aggressive but also gentle and slow. In “unhealthy” relationships, a man cannot do otherwise, he cannot enjoy himself without inflicting humiliation or experiencing it himself.
A woman is one of the “trophies” of a man
This “healthy” dominance is inherent in a man by nature. From childhood, boys are brought up to conquer, protect, extract, and compete. The woman is one of the “trophies” of the man. In the modern world, a woman’s consent to sex is, perhaps, the only confirmation of a man’s competitiveness as a male, and his chosenness among others. And the female orgasm is the consolidation of this chosenness. This is probably why men are especially vulnerable in the sex zone. They are keenly worried about the size of their manhood and so they are waiting for our female orgasms.
I also think that sex remains one of the few areas where our natural roles – a man – a hunter, a getter, a warrior, and a woman – a guardian, a prey, a follower – can be preserved. In the era of gender equality, women are confidently replacing men even from the habitually male areas of life – women serve in the army, become presidents or heads of large corporations, pilot airplanes, and go in for extreme sports. Even to conceive a child, sex is no longer needed, it is enough to go to the clinic and do IVF. A man is still needed for this, but in an indirect way – you can not even contact him. Even in sexual life, technology is replacing real contact – substitute dolls, dildos, virtual sex. I don’t know about you, but it scares me. In the 21st century, people need each other less and less directly.
If you don’t want to be weak, never with anyone, you want to aggressively conquer and rule, then we have a dominant woman
Therefore, when two real, living people, a man, and a woman, still meet in one, real bed, a man wants to be who he is instinctive – dominant. And a woman, even a super feminist or emancipate, wants to lay down her armor, discard achievements and become weak.
If you don’t want to be weak, never with anyone, you want to aggressively conquer and rule, then we have a dominant woman. She, of course, can be happy with some obedient male servant, but for me, this is more a reason to turn to a psychologist.
Sometimes, women complain about the passivity of a man in sex or the lack of sex, in the presence of a man: “he lies and waits for me to do everything myself”, “he does not have an erection and I have to work to make at least some sex work”, “ he doesn’t want me.”
When in life you are constantly ahead of a man, you also multiply him by “zero”, then in bed he also becomes such a zero
If we are talking about long-established couples who used to have good sex, and then somehow everything went bad, I would suggest that women think about their level of activity. Do not you hammer a man with your activity? Do not crush him with your successes, energy, and pressure? When in life you are constantly ahead of a man, you also multiply him by “zero”, then in bed, he also becomes such a zero. Perhaps it is worth slowing down, adding compliments and confessions, then his masculine nature will wake up in a man again?
Appreciate each other, and appreciate the fragile, tender, and intimate that still arises between us. Have healthy real sex. Perhaps it will soon become inaccessible to our descendants. People will appear from test tubes in high-tech laboratories, perform some of their functions, and disappear. And only in old books, it will be possible to find the words sex, love, and intimacy.
