There are a lot of myths related to sex. And one of them is how exactly a woman should try to make a man want her. Women seriously believe that sex must be earned, that men “will not get up on …”. Psychologist Elena Shpundra talks about women’s fears and myth-making around sex.
About the most persistent female fear
And it consists of the fact that if you (further in the voice of a woman in a red scarf from the poster) do not shave your legs; you will appear in front of a man without makeup and in a plush bathrobe; deny her husband his most sophisticated pleasures; generally refuse; talk about their female illnesses; do not swing the ass, lips, chest; get fat; lose weight; sweat; have acne; do not meet him in the evening dressed as a stewardess or nurse; If you don’t do bikini waxing and a “deep throat” blowjob, then he will definitely get sick of you and go to another. That a gentle male erection cannot stand the sight of normal female physiology or paraphernalia, and if he sees you with unshaven legs and not in lace underwear, but in some funny grandmother’s panties, he will immediately run away. Really?..
Oh we do not want sexism
I remembered how, at lectures on health psychology at the capital’s university, the professor told us in all seriousness that immediately after childbirth, without even crawling from the maternity chair onto a stretcher, a woman is obliged to ask for a mirror (or rather, have it with her in her pocket) and bring herself in order, because, God forbid, her husband will see her like this, disheveled and disheveled. He will lose his desire immediately and immediately, and for many centuries. And no decent woman can do that.
Of course, we listened. First, it was 15 years ago. Although even then such maxims smacked off the game, personally I was in that phase when you can already afford to raise your eyebrows, but you can’t still be allowed to stand up and say straight out “What nonsense”. And, of course, the authority of the university and the title of professor very much stopped any movement of the mind towards freedom.
But recently I learned that now the same professor is talking the same nonsense in lectures. About women. What do they have to do to be liked? Under the guise of high scientific knowledge. No. You can like it in a lace negligee. But the kind of scientific knowledge was used by the professor to firmly associate a single woman with a lace negligee. And so that she jumped out of it only into the professor’s bed. Or any other husband. And I suspect that the professor both carried nonsense and will continue to carry it. Until death separates us. And will not bring health psychology closer to what it should be, and not to the professor’s sexism.
About social and gender stereotypes
And one more time I was at a seminar where the presenter, psychologist, candidate of science, very seriously told the audience that she would never become a victim of pickpockets because she did not have a victim type. Here I want to say with Durnev’s indescribable intonation “what?”, 2019 you tell people that there is some special type of victim and thereby immerse in great shame and guilt all those robbed, raped, beaten? And all this is presented at the seminar under the guise of a training event?
Of course, there are still many social and gender stereotypes. And most of them are created and supported by opinion leaders. Well, Nastya Ivleeva appears with a glass, a bottle, a bucket of booze in her vines and stories, and it is impossible to explain to teenagers the dangers of alcohol. Well, blogger Suzhuk denies the danger of coronavirus, and how to convince all 5 million of her subscribers of the opposite? Unless the recent death of her husband will make subscribers start up and look around, but for someone, it may be just as late. And there are thousands of such examples.
But I am personally very offended by the heresy broadcasted by psychologists, coaches, and teachers. I do not understand how. How, working every day with clients, seeing how much pain, fear, suffering brings them following the settings, roles, other people’s rules, you can not open your mind and not understand that life is deeper and wider than we think about it? And, on the contrary, do everything so that the blinders never open. Let women walk around in red lace panties, torture their bodies, and fight fiercely for a man’s interest in his body. And they live according to the principle “would be nice next to me” and so that only “he would not get sick of it.”
And what do you think? Do you agree that women need to put in a lot of effort to be desirable and have a sex life? Or are you free from such prejudices?
