What is behind the intimidation of children: care, the desire to manipulate a dependent person, or the inability to raise these same children? We will take it apart and tell you why it is impossible to intimidate children, even for educational purposes.
“If you don’t obey, an uncle policeman will come and put you in jail”, “If you go far away from me, the gypsies will steal you”, “If you don’t do as I say, I will commit suicide” and many other ways to grow a neurasthenic, racist or even put your child in mortal danger.
What scared us in childhood?
The babaika from under the bed is not so scary as the parent who will tell you about this babaika in detail. This simple and common truth comes to us with age and experience, when it is already somehow embarrassing for parents to present for the wrong upbringing and fear of gypsies.
Boogeyman, baby, el-kukui, Baba Yaga, or Gray Top are folklore scarecrows that our ancestors used to frighten naughty children. Fear is a pretty powerful tool that worked earlier, in the days of our great-great-great-great-great-grandmothers. In the origin of any domestic, forest, or any other evil spirits, one can find a warning to negligent citizens:
- The brownie will frighten and pull the unscrupulous hostess by the hair (housing must be kept clean).\
- Noon will give on the head to those who work in the field at noon (sunstroke).
- The mermaid will drag into the swamp the one who will go to the “bad place to swim” (in some reservoirs you can drown once or twice).
- Leshikha will drag the baby away and leave the changeling in return for the mother who does not look after the child (the conclusion is obvious – watch your child).
- An unbaptized child will certainly become an igosha (a dubious scarecrow that lures people into the affectionate embrace of the church).
For the children, there were their own grandmothers, grandmothers-hedgehogs, witches, and all kinds of fairy-tale monsters, and this was quite practical (in the minds of uneducated ancestors) in nature: do not go into a dense, dense forest, otherwise, you will get lost there, do not go anywhere with strangers horrible.
What scares children now
Congratulations! You were born in modern (and relatively modern) times: you and I have vaccines, smartphones, the Internet, and even the opportunity to get an education. And although modern mothers do not need to scare babies with el-cakes and all kinds of devils, they continue to do this with enviable regularity. The scale of the problem is frightening: only a few were not frightened in childhood.
The most popular scarecrows for children
Returning to your bad advice, we present to your attention a catalog of horror stories and possible reasons for going to a psychologist in the future:
- Folklore (Babayka, Baba Yaga, Buka) – fear of the dark;
- Animals (“The dog will bite”, Gray Top) – a phobia associated with an animal;
- Social (policeman, doctor, gypsies) – racism, fear of doctors, policemen;
- Hardcore (children’s home, suicide or death of a parent, “I will leave you / give you away”, God’s punishment) – panic attacks, obsessive guilt, suppressed aggression.
Bullying a child: a view from above
Sometimes an overly loving parent can be more intimidating than a collector or a crazy preacher. Why did it happen?
- Grandmothers frightened us with a grandmother and bequeathed to us.
- There is no time or desire to explain anything to the child.
- The easiest way.
Most parents most often have no idea what to do with the child and how to raise him, so as not to raise the next Chikatilo. The child opens his mouth and starts acting up as soon as he learns to walk – runs around the bush, wreaks havoc and destruction, and generally resembles a Tatar horde in Brownian motion if you watch it for a long enough time.
How to deal with a small person who looks more like an evil gremlin? “Parents of the Year” know the answer: of course, to intimidate him so that he pees in horror! Instead of reading a Lovecraft bedtime story, there is no time, but you need to act immediately and from here all these horror stories like:
- “I’ll leave you on the street, and the evil aunt will take you away.”
- “Uncle cop will take you to jail.”
- “Aunt doctor is now sticking needles all over you, so she will give injections.”
- “Do you see the gypsy? Now she’s going to steal you!”
It’s pretty easy to scare a child. After all, he won’t say, “Mother, if you leave me on the street, then your uncle policeman will take you to the pre-trial detention center,” so it works. But what lies behind the desire to raise a child?
Bullying a child: a view from below
So, you gave out a sparkling phrase: “If you don’t obey, I will send you to an orphanage!” How does your child feel? Nothing good.
Children are very closely connected with their parents and especially with their mothers. When the baby is rejected by the closest person (and the child most often deciphers bullying as rejection), he loses a sense of security. If those closest to him reject him, the child does not understand where to go, what to do, and he is desperately trying to please his parents. In the eyes of the child, the parent is always right, and already at an early age, the child has an obsessive sense of guilt in his head, which they carry through their whole lives.
The appearance of obedience usually acts on the parent as a signal that intimidation is working and gradually it develops into the norm and leads to terrible consequences for the psyche of a baby or teenager, which come back to haunt him even in adulthood.
Intimidation by doctors or police officers can even endanger the baby’s life.
There can be no question of any joyful visit to the hospital: the child knows that evil uncles and aunts are sitting in the hospital, who will certainly prick him with needles. In the future, some children may begin to lie about their well-being in order to avoid visiting the hospital.
The most dangerous thing is a child frightened by the police. If a mother threatens a child with gendarmerie and dungeons from birth, he will never ask a policeman for help and will not run to him if, for example, he gets lost. Where will he go, if not to the police, and what will become of him – think for yourself.
All, without exception, scarecrows are toxic! The child does not understand the concept of black humor, unquestioningly believes in what the parents say, because, for a minute, you are the only source of information for him.
What happens next when bullying becomes the norm? The situation develops according to the following scenarios:
- the child believes that if he is not “comfortable” terrible things will happen to him;
- the child cracks through the lies of the parents, and they are no longer an authority for him;
- the child inspires himself that he is not loved and that his parents only wish him harm, you can forget about trust.
Consequences of bullying children:
- fear of loss, loneliness and a sense of defenselessness;
- weak will and spinelessness, inability to make decisions independently;
- diffidence;
- constant fear of punishment for something;
- constant feeling of guilt for everything around;
- inability to build trusting relationships;
- unwillingness and inability to start a healthy family.
We also remind you that bullying is psychological abuse, and psychological abuse of a child equals domestic abuse. Do you want to be a good mom or a home tyrant? The choice is yours.
