Just recently, a reader of mine shared the story of her new novel, in which everything is going nicely and wonderfully. But in the end, she asked a worried question “how to understand that for him this is not just sex, but a relationship?”. Let’s figure it out!
Better take a look at our project: “Big talk about” it “. All about sex in the digital age and about:
Of course, any relationship is a delicate thing. It was only in childhood everything was simple:
- At 4 years old, you could go up to any child you liked in the sandbox and say “let’s be friends with you” and immediately rush to be friends, building sand houses together;
- At the age of 7, announce to your parents “I love Masha and marry her.”
Adult relationship
In adulthood, everything begins with pre-contact – probing, sniffing, looking. And even if it develops into contact, it is not at all clear what will come of it. Will the person be fine for 1 week, 1 month or a whole year? And how exactly is “good”, in what form?
And the adult world also teaches us to hide intentions:
- Satisfying a need in a direct way can be scary, unsafe, indecent
- It means we will veil, disguise one under the other, you look there and they won’t notice what exactly they are giving away.
Male-female relations are just such an area where there are more disguises and omissions than anywhere else. First, we want to please each other, and then we want to get what we want.
But at the same time, it is desirable to remain for yourself and for the other in the “I am good” format. Because two of our biggest childhood fears are being rejected and being bad.
Relationship pitfalls
So what do we have:
- The two met
- She is attractive
- He’s damn attractive
- She knows she wants a serious relationship,
- But he doesn’t know what he wants…
How to know if you are serious
I don’t know of an easier and more logical way to find out about this other than asking him directly. You can, of course, act the old-fashioned way, reading the signs.
Do you remember the old movie “Cinderella”, stepmother’s daughters at the ball have a notebook in which they write “The prince looked at me 4 times”, “The prince looked at me meaningfully and said” Hmm. According to the records, you can draw conclusions whether you will get into the book of the first beauties of the kingdom or not.
But what if the Prince is just short-sighted, and his “Hmm” had in his head the continuation of “wow, how terrible”?
Therefore, yes, we are learning to clarify all the points that are important to you using voice and speech. Many girls are afraid to talk straight about relationships because they don’t want to appear needy. Show the guy that you are more interested in him than he is in them. In fact, you are not more interested in the guy, but in protecting yourself from unnecessary injuries and wasted time. It’s okay to take care of yourself.
How to talk to a man about relationships
It is important to talk about relationships, not from a position:
“What do you want, what are your intentions?”, “What do you think about our relationship?”.
So a man really feels taken by the throat and only his “marry” can weaken your grip. In addition, men really don’t give a damn about many issues that are important to us. Of clear intentions, they usually have “business, finance, cars, devour, sex, so that no one can stand the brain.”
But this does not mean that they are not ready to focus and think about whether a particular woman is dear to them. Therefore, it is worth identifying your needs:
- “I’m interested in a relationship, I’m just not interested in sex”
- “I want a family, so I’m ready to live in a civil marriage, but not for long,”
- “I want to live together, but marriage is not important for me.”
Set boundaries and give a potential partner time to think and decide. And if he says “No”, then you leave with sadness and confidence. Especially magically minded girls believe that they can turn “no” into “yes” with the power of their love. But more turn themselves into an angry, unsatisfied, and disappointed toads.
How to understand that he does not want a relationship
All people lie and men are no exception. It happens that he will say “yes”, meaning “no”, in fact, or remain silent in response, or mutter something indefinite, like the same “Hmm”.
And here it already makes sense to look at whether your relationship has changed since the moment of the conversation:
- Someone who gets you right and is interested in you will want to spend more time with you.
- Will always answer or call back as soon as possible.
- He will introduce you to family and friends, will make acquaintances with your loved ones
- Will not hide the phone or hide with the phone
- He will want to live with you because in today’s frantic pace it is much more convenient than going to meetings.
If none of this is there, there are meetings, pleasant sex, and point contacts between him, then you return to the paragraph above, do “inhale-exhale” and say “goodbye, we will say goodbye.” In any action, the main thing is to stop in time. And do not turn, good sex, which could not be developed into something more, into the painful drama of your whole life.
