Since I was already 20, 30, and even 40 years old, who, if not me, should try to reveal this burning topic. After all, sex is one of the most paradoxical areas of our lives.
On the one hand, we all do it, we all want it, but on the other hand, there are still a lot of fantasies, shame, and taboos in this zone.
What do women get from sex in their 20s?
At 20, girls are stormy and thrown from one extreme to another – either promiscuous sex, or sex with inappropriate partners, or raising virginity to the rank of a cult and worshiping him like a sacred cow
So, 20 years is the age at which just fantasies, shame, and taboos bloom violently. They are superimposed on physical maturation, irrepressible youthful curiosity, poor knowledge of oneself, life, and people, and, accordingly, the inability to cope with different situations.
A cool cocktail that can be described as a metaphor for a beautiful, new car rushing at full speed, driven by a driving school student. Only this car is not equipped with a spare set of pedals and there is no instructor nearby who will insure. So yes, at 20, sex life is full of accidents and even disasters. Sometimes fatal.
Girls are stormy and thrown from one extreme to another – either promiscuous sex, or sex with unsuitable partners, or the elevation of virginity to the rank of a cult and worship it like a sacred cow. All these are extremes. Is it possible to do without them? I don’t know, maybe in a couple of generations. When we learn to love ourselves, we will teach this to our children, we will expand the boundaries of our ideas about the world. I am from a generation of unloved girls.
In our 20s, what we were looking for in sex wasn’t so much sex, curiosity satisfaction, or pacification of hormones. No. In sex, we were looking for love. She was not at home, we often did not have fathers, and it is in relations with him that the girl forms the first experience of relations with a man. But there were infantile, critical, or simply oblivious mothers.
They do not notice, because they are tired of fighting life alone, pulling themselves, and also the child. There would be time to run from work to work, and even clean, cook at home, put oneself in order, the child to be shod and dressed – not up to spiritual life. So we were looking for love in other people’s beds. And also some confirmation of their attractiveness, and female values.
When a girl is criticized or not noticed, how can she understand what she is – is she beautiful, is she slim, what is she like as a woman? Sex gave a kind of confirmation of attractiveness – since a man wants and slept with me, then I definitely look nothing like that. Also, you need to get married.
Firstly, society orders, and secondly, this is a great way to escape from the “cold” parental home and create, as you dreamed, your “warm” one. But where to get a warm house? We had nothing to give but the body.
And we met with the same unloved boys, who also had a cold emptiness of dislike inside and a thirst to fill it with something or someone. Another body? Yeah, why not.
Changing girls like gloves, the guys also received, as it seemed to them, confirmation of love. Some of these couples were lucky – having met two notorious icicles, they were able to establish normal heat exchange with each other. Someone doesn’t. With a cold hearts, broken dreams, and withered bodies, they moved on to the next age.
Sex at 30
At 30, we begin to understand that sex is not a way to get love or anything at all, and most importantly, we begin to take responsibility for our orgasms
All the same shame, but fewer fantasies and some life experience. And even though you are not in a new and beautiful car, but in some kind of economy class car, you can already drive it. At least you know exactly how fast you should not accelerate. We are becoming more selective in our choice of partners.
We definitely know how or are already learning to say “no” to men and situations that we don’t like. We begin to understand that sex is not a way to get love or anything at all, and most importantly, we begin to take responsibility for our orgasms. We do not expect a man to guess and do something himself. We learn to say or show what we want and what needs to be done.
You still need to get married, for those who did not have time to do this at the age of 20. And society still presses, and relatives ask questions. But we are no longer ready “at any cost”. We can still try the inertia of the speed of twenty-year-olds. But we stop. Because we understand that we don’t want to lose ourselves, we have already lost enough at 20.
Those who managed to get married at 18-20, and already divorced at 30, are just starting to finish their walk, gaining unlived youth. Too early they became serious women, with a life, a husband and a child.
For them, by the age of 30, the duty to society has been fulfilled, and she herself is both young enough for follies and at the same time mature enough to stop in time. There can be both casual sex and promiscuous sex, but unlike 20-year-olds, a woman at 30 is already clearly aware that she wants adventures, she begins to arrogate to herself the right to get these adventures and, most importantly, she does not allow these adventures destroy yourself and your life.
For me, 30 years is the age of the first awareness and reflection, a sense of self-worth not in relation to a man or the amount of sex, but as an individual who can learn everything he wants, including love. And yet – this is the age of the final separation from the parents. Not physical, it happens much earlier. And emotional and psychological, when you separate your life from parental expectations, take away their “control panel”, which most often has two buttons “guilt” and “resentment” and say “Mom, I have the right to my life and my mistakes “.
40 years and sex at that age
At 40, you will not suffer or suffer from unrequited love, you will not love a bastard, an alcoholic, or some other destructive type, whom you could love at 20 or even 30 years old. Because you understand that feelings are a value, a person is a value, time is a value.
Shame and fantasies are far behind. They just can’t keep up with the speed of my beautiful and stylish vintage car. If we continue the analogy with cars and driving. And let stronger and more powerful sports cars rush past. I confidently drive my retro car, enjoying it, the speed, and the scenery outside the window.
Yes, 40 is the age to enjoy life. From sex. From communication. From the world. I know that there is good sex for me, and how to get it and I feel no shame or remorse that I enjoy it. You don’t change concepts, you don’t play games, you have not only already learned to love yourself, but you also understand that “healthy” love lies in exchange. You love and you are loved. You will not suffer or suffer from unrequited love, you will not love a bastard, an alcoholic, or some other destructive type, whom you could love at 20 or even 30 years old.
Because you understand that feelings are a value, a person is a value, time is a value. And you do not bestow values on someone who is not able to accept and keep this gift.
If someone at the age of 20 succeeded in what I came to at 40, you are lucky. I’ll honk and let your sports car pass ahead. If someone has not yet reached the magical point of enlightenment at 40, do not despair. Everyone has their own speed, their route, and their means of transportation. Who said that riding a bike is worse and longer than a sports car or a vintage car? Live and love and ride with pleasure.
