What to do if there are problems in an intimate relationship and one of the partners refuses to have sex?
One of the most common complaints in a sexologist’s office is, “I miss physical love.” Moreover, it is usually not men who complain about this, but women. Let’s look at what reasons most often suppress the desire to have sex.
1. Lack of attention and affection
Not sexual desires at all. Often a woman lacks not ten orgasms, but warmth, attention, and care. Therefore, if a partner suddenly cooled off towards you – think about it, maybe the whole thing is in your “cold” attitude towards him? By the way, it can also be the other way around.
Draw conclusions in time and add a little romance and fun to your relationship, arrange a sweet date or just be alone, talk and hug.
2. Requirements out of touch with reality
It happens that a person’s requests are so solid that it is difficult to meet them, even if you try very hard. A partner is not ideal, but an imperfect person. Try to treat your partner more condescendingly and not make high demands on him, which will only aggravate the conflict and negatively affect your libido.
If this is coming from a man, maybe you should talk about how the pornography he watches and reality are two very different things. It is the frequent viewing of porn that can cause such a psychological reason.
3. Social status, occupations, interests
Statistics say that the less a person has to do, worries, hobbies, and thoughts, the more often he is engaged in satisfying the basic instinct. And vice versa.
- First, is the well-known sublimation effect.
- Secondly, a person with a broad outlook, education, and financial capabilities have more ways to enjoy and enjoy life in various ways.
Plus the employment factor.
4. Lack of self-love
Complexes and the desire to appear to a partner much better than they really are, to be more beautiful and without unsightly sides can cause you to simply get sick of having sex.
Judge for yourself: you are having sex, and instead of focusing on your pleasant sensations from intimacy with your loved one, you think that there is cellulite on your ass, your arms are thick, you haven’t shaved your leg under the knee, and in general it would end as soon as possible so that you could hide in pajamas.
Orgasm disappears instantly at the mere thought.
Let’s remember the famous quote from the movie “Eat Pray Love”:
“Let me ask a question: at least once, when you undressed in front of a man, did someone drive you away? Or did someone slam the door themselves?
And this, in fact, applies not only to pizza. If you consider yourself not sexy, and generally such beauty, then over time, sex turns into a one-way game. You are bored, the partner feels that you are bored and begins to think about what is wrong with him.
There are also problems that cannot be solved without a psychologist.
5. Untreated injuries
Psychological traumas that seem to have remained in the past, but have not yet been worked out with a specialist, can become the reason that you simply don’t want to have sex. Rape, a phobia, a traumatic past, abusive relationships in the past, and even casually seeing sex as a child can all lead to a reluctance to have sex and aversion to it.
6. Toxic parenting
The belief that sex is shameful, dirty, and sinful. If in childhood a person was not allowed to show his sexuality, to study his body, and in general they put a ban on this topic, then a feeling of shame and guilt is developed.
The mechanism “if I feel good, then I’m bad” can also turn on, and that’s it, frigidity has entered the chat.
In addition, the “toxic upbringing” fad includes a ban on sexuality and femininity. If, in childhood, parents scold a girl for wanting to be more beautiful, put on her mother’s shoes and paint her face like a TV model, motivating this by the fact that “Are you a flirtatious sho?”, Then with the desire to have sex, then it will be very bad.
The last two points require the intervention of a specialist. You cannot solve this problem on your own.
